Thomas' ABDL Blog

The thoughts of a DL


Being gay makes these a challenge already due to smaller dating pool. Tack on being ABDL, and I have quite the vast number of limitations on an already smaller than usual pool of people.

Many of us have a decision to make in terms of whether we are looking for a partner who is also ABDL. My choice, which I decided at the beginning of college, is that I will date/marry ABDL. The reasoning behind this being that I enjoy wearing way too much to have to hide it from someone for the majority of my life, arguably the majority that matters the most, the one spent with the love of my life. Many people go the opposite way; they already have a significant other (SO) when they start wearing, and don't choose to limit the potential people by dating only ABDL. This is completely valid too, but not my personal choice.

I believe that some of the best relationships are built on trust and mutual interests, and ABDL is a very big secret. Having this connection right off the bat opens up a new intimacy seldomly experienced: being totally vulnerable, showing a side of you shown to only a select number of people; this kind-of throws you into the deep end, which can be good if you're looking to get a good look at how someone works.

This kind of start is bumpy and hurts, usually — especially when two people aren't a good match. But when you are a good match, this start flows like water. It's a slingshot, a spark. It's everything you have been waiting for and leaves everything open as a possibility; which is my current experience. Finding someone who is such a perfect match is no easy task but I'm lucky to say that I have. It's online because life can't be perfect — but a good start nonetheless. I get to take on my role, as a caregiver for my little guy, which isn't as easy as you may think, even online, but that's another post.

I don't know much in my life but I do know that life is much better with someone who you love and who loves you. Being ABDL complicates this and adds so much extra adventure. I don't regret it for a second.

— Thomas

ABDL In Life | Beginnings | Random Thoughts |

[Reading my thoughts is like trying to get ducks at a rave in a row].

Another day passed here at school, got some unfortunate exam results which make me question my major choices. Been a while since I've felt that way, which is good, but being reminded of what has been hurts a lot.

College has been an eye-opening experience for me in every aspect; I went from having ~20 or so pieces of padding stashed away in my closet at home to having a chest, and part of two bins stuffed full of padding. What a transformation, right? From wearing once a week (If I was lucky) to every other night, or three nights in a row as it will be tonight, sitting here writing this in a Rearz Safari. Regardless, I've learned more about myself in the time since fall than I did my entire four years in high school. One of the top things I've learned about myself?

Padding isn't going anywhere. Pretty obvious “No shit Sherlock” moment for an ABDL, right? Well it didn't start out this way. No one is born knowing what they like. Most ABDLs feel a “pull” towards diapers at some point in their lives, usually as puberty starts to strike, and I was no exception. I was never too put-off by this; it wasn't something I could share with others and it felt like I was the only one in the world with these desires. It was at this point that I began to wear, to discover the Goodnites most of us started with, moved on to taped diapers and didn't look back. But throughout the whole ordeal, from divulging the secret to a family member and their shock and acceptance, I seemed to have an answer to every question they could ask. Except for one: why?

The truth is, I don't have an answer. “I just do” is what I've always said. But, the real answer is more than any of us know.

The debate in Neuropsychology about why behaviors (fetishes, kinks, desires) form falls into two categories: Nature vs. Nurture — a debate that steers every thing from anger to depression: are we born with it, or is it how we were raised/our environment? Again, the answer in regards to ABDL is impossible to pinpoint given what we currently know. My opinion given what I know is that if I wasn't ABDL I would probably be some other kink, as the fetish was already in my brain, it was just waiting for something to latch on to; in my case, diapers. And I'm happy it did. There isn't much like the feeling of a warm, soggy, mushy diaper between your legs at 0300 as you roll over and fall back asleep. It's a security blanket, a comfort object. A tether to sanity in an insane world. A feeling so indescribable I could use the rest of this unlimited space trying to describe it and still not be complete.

But, why care, Thomas?

My answer to that is simple: because it's a part of us.

I learned this fact at college. Embracing yourself can be one of the hardest parts of being ABDL. Most of the time learning about it is something that happens by yourself, until you discover the massive online community at our fingertips. The thing that makes the discovery worse though is fighting it. If you're new to this community, don't fight your love for padding/being little. It's unique gift and you've got many friends to make.

Be the best version of yourself you can be. Be little.