ABDL In Life | Beginnings | Random Thoughts |

[Reading my thoughts is like trying to get ducks at a rave in a row].

Another day passed here at school, got some unfortunate exam results which make me question my major choices. Been a while since I've felt that way, which is good, but being reminded of what has been hurts a lot.

College has been an eye-opening experience for me in every aspect; I went from having ~20 or so pieces of padding stashed away in my closet at home to having a chest, and part of two bins stuffed full of padding. What a transformation, right? From wearing once a week (If I was lucky) to every other night, or three nights in a row as it will be tonight, sitting here writing this in a Rearz Safari. Regardless, I've learned more about myself in the time since fall than I did my entire four years in high school. One of the top things I've learned about myself?

Padding isn't going anywhere. Pretty obvious “No shit Sherlock” moment for an ABDL, right? Well it didn't start out this way. No one is born knowing what they like. Most ABDLs feel a “pull” towards diapers at some point in their lives, usually as puberty starts to strike, and I was no exception. I was never too put-off by this; it wasn't something I could share with others and it felt like I was the only one in the world with these desires. It was at this point that I began to wear, to discover the Goodnites most of us started with, moved on to taped diapers and didn't look back. But throughout the whole ordeal, from divulging the secret to a family member and their shock and acceptance, I seemed to have an answer to every question they could ask. Except for one: why?

The truth is, I don't have an answer. “I just do” is what I've always said. But, the real answer is more than any of us know.

The debate in Neuropsychology about why behaviors (fetishes, kinks, desires) form falls into two categories: Nature vs. Nurture — a debate that steers every thing from anger to depression: are we born with it, or is it how we were raised/our environment? Again, the answer in regards to ABDL is impossible to pinpoint given what we currently know. My opinion given what I know is that if I wasn't ABDL I would probably be some other kink, as the fetish was already in my brain, it was just waiting for something to latch on to; in my case, diapers. And I'm happy it did. There isn't much like the feeling of a warm, soggy, mushy diaper between your legs at 0300 as you roll over and fall back asleep. It's a security blanket, a comfort object. A tether to sanity in an insane world. A feeling so indescribable I could use the rest of this unlimited space trying to describe it and still not be complete.

But, why care, Thomas?

My answer to that is simple: because it's a part of us.

I learned this fact at college. Embracing yourself can be one of the hardest parts of being ABDL. Most of the time learning about it is something that happens by yourself, until you discover the massive online community at our fingertips. The thing that makes the discovery worse though is fighting it. If you're new to this community, don't fight your love for padding/being little. It's unique gift and you've got many friends to make.

Be the best version of yourself you can be. Be little.

—Thomas