Being gay makes these a challenge already due to smaller dating pool. Tack on being ABDL, and I have quite the vast number of limitations on an already smaller than usual pool of people.
Many of us have a decision to make in terms of whether we are looking for a partner who is also ABDL. My choice, which I decided at the beginning of college, is that I will date/marry ABDL. The reasoning behind this being that I enjoy wearing way too much to have to hide it from someone for the majority of my life, arguably the majority that matters the most, the one spent with the love of my life. Many people go the opposite way; they already have a significant other (SO) when they start wearing, and don't choose to limit the potential people by dating only ABDL. This is completely valid too, but not my personal choice.
I believe that some of the best relationships are built on trust and mutual interests, and ABDL is a very big secret. Having this connection right off the bat opens up a new intimacy seldomly experienced: being totally vulnerable, showing a side of you shown to only a select number of people; this kind-of throws you into the deep end, which can be good if you're looking to get a good look at how someone works.
This kind of start is bumpy and hurts, usually — especially when two people aren't a good match. But when you are a good match, this start flows like water. It's a slingshot, a spark. It's everything you have been waiting for and leaves everything open as a possibility; which is my current experience. Finding someone who is such a perfect match is no easy task but I'm lucky to say that I have. It's online because life can't be perfect — but a good start nonetheless. I get to take on my role, as a caregiver for my little guy, which isn't as easy as you may think, even online, but that's another post.
I don't know much in my life but I do know that life is much better with someone who you love and who loves you. Being ABDL complicates this and adds so much extra adventure. I don't regret it for a second.